I Haven't Changed This Website in a While

I need to get around to changing the website for my wife, who happens to be the greatest wardrobe stylist in the known universe. She has some great new shots from some work she did for The Thymes. Have a nice day.

Soccer

I hate watching soccer, with its 90 minutes ending in a score of 0-1, or worse, 0-0. How the hell do people enjoy that? Anyway, soccer would be much more fun to watch if it were played as in this video.

Réinvente ton jeu
Uploaded by ElectronicArts

KinderCare Tuition

I hate it when companies want you to call them to find out prices, instead of just publishing the information to the interwebs. So, in the interest of corporate transparency, I'm letting you know what I'm paying weekly for KinderCare (Eden Prairie, MN) for my two children (the Kindustry Transfer is a business partner discount program):

10/30/2008	Transfers	Kindustry Transfer	($ 26.80)
10/30/2008	Tuition	Twos 5 full days	$ 268.00
10/30/2008	Tuition	Infant 5 full days	$ 319.00
		Total Due:		$ 560.20

Checking for Empty Parameters in Cognos 8

Hey, I'm finally writing something about Cognos 8. This would most likely apply to any earlier version of ReportNet as well:

I have a report that needs to display the value of the optional ?market? parameter if it's used. If it's not used, I need it to display "Southeast Region." The first instinct is to do something like

if(ParamDisplayValue('market') = '') then
('Southeast Region') else
(ParamDisplayValue('market'))

This doesn't work, though, because not selecting a parameter value does not result in that parameter equaling an empty string. All you get is a blank area on the report where 'Southeast Region' should be. I also tried using character_length('market'), but that had the same result.

The solution is to use the ParamCount() function. So my final code looked something like this:

if(ParamCount('market') = 0) then
('Southeast Region') else
(ParamDisplayValue('market'))

Problem solved!

My Poetic Linked-In Recommendation

My friend Matt asked me for a LinkedIn recommendation the other day. Instead of writing the usual prosaic "Matt is an outstanding manager who puts up great sales numbers while keeping his bitches in line," I wrote him this semi-fictitious poem:

'Twas at Dunkin' Donuts where I first worked with Matt
He'd prep the dough, then I'd fry it in fat.
For 2 years we worked thus, all sweaty and rank,
'Til one day we quit and went to work at the bank.

He was the PB, and I was the J.
One day I got robbed, and Matt saved the day!
The robber had come to take all my cash
But Matt said, "No way! That's Com Fed Bank's stash!"
Ere the robber could brandish his weapon (a gun),
Matt shot the guy, his Taser on "stun."

So not only is Matt a great man of banking,
But his stature's beyond any measure or ranking.
He's smart and determined and works all weekend,
But no matter what, he's there as a friend.

SEO Attempt Backfires

Yesterday, in an effort to improve Janna's PageRank, I submitted her website to Photolinks, and that's just great, except that her listing at that site has now replaced her #1 rank when you Google Minneapolis Photo Stylist. Damn!

Search Engine Optimization (SEO)

Uncle James imparted his SEO wisdom unto me and it helped move Janna's photo stylist website to the top of the heap when you search for "minneapolis photo stylist" (without quotes). Now I'm trying to increase her Google PageRank by including it in this wonderful blog. I'm going to try to get Janna to start a blog, also, since she's been toying with the idea of becoming a famous celebrity interviewer.